Borat May Cry // By: Maro
(Borat faces camera standing in front of Devil May Cry building)
Hello. I am-a Borat. I come here to Devil May Cry to interview albino twins and their slave. They are real life Hunters of Devils. In Kazakhstan, this is celebrated occupation because they hunt the most dangerous demon in of the existence: The Jew.
(Scene changes to Borat standing with Sparda brothers and Lady)
Dante: Hey, Borat, welcome to the party.
Borat: Hello, I am-a Borat. (kisses Dante on both cheeks and mouth)
Vergil: Welcome. (cringes and flicks open Yamato when Borat kisses on cheeks and mouth)
Lady: My name is Lady. (leans in for the two kisses)
Borat: Hello, I am-a Borat. (doesn’t kiss Lady)
Borat: Well, first I need to make-a the urine and come back in a minute.
Dante: Call of nature? It’s in the back.
(Borat comes back with shirt tail sticking out of fly-stands right in front of a sitting Vergil)
Borat: Shall we begin-a the interview?
Dante: Uh, you got your shirt sticking out your….. (points)
Borat: Ah yes, forgive me. (zips up)
(Borat sits down)
Borat: So what is this-a place?
Dante: This is the base of our operations, Devil May Cry.
Borat: I like very much. You make-a the Jews cry.
Dante: What? No, the devils, not Jews.
Vergil: Speak for yourself.
Lady: (Elbows Vergil) We’re on camera, Hitler!
Borat: Wow-wa-wee-wah! This man relative of Heetlr?
Dante: No, dude, we’re totally not into that. Vergil’s just being a prick.
Vergil: (Grips Yamato) Maybe you’ve stopped liking yours, Dante.
Vergil and Dante look in opposite directions.
Borat: Why do you have that instrument of Jew Death?
Vergil: In case someone calls me a prick. (looks pointedly at Dante)
Borat: Then this must happen most-de time because you always hold it.
(Dante and Lady break into laughter)
Dante: Vergil’s not like this all the time. And he’s not anti-semetic.
Vergil: I never said I was. Some of them just happen to be greedy bastards. Like our landlord, Enzo.
Borat: Because he take all-a the money?
Vergil: Yes, all of it.
Dante: Ok, but they’re not all like that.
Borat: So you take that sword…..what is eet?
Vergil: The Yamato. It’s Japanese.
Borat: And you take thee Japanese instrument of death, and stick it into the testes of the Jew?
Vergil: Haha. That is a good idea.
Borat: Why you no kill thees devil if he’s lord of your land?
Vergil: Yes, why don’t we kill him, Dante?
Dante: Vergil, shut up. We’re here to talk about Devil May Cry.
Vergil: (*sighs*) This piece of….. architectural engineering is our base of operations, like Dante said. Everything from weapons to special tactics is stored here.
Borat: And the three of you hunt devils?
Lady: Well, not me, I’m retired. I had a leg injury that I couldn’t fully recover from.
Borat: You are-a retard?
Lady: No, I’m retired.
(Borat leans in close to Vergil) Is very nice you let a retard sit with you, talk with you, instead of keep her in cage.
(Vergil begins to laugh)
Vergil: Contrary to popular opinion, Lady is not retarded.
Lady: (Cocks gun)
Borat: And what kind of weapons do you need to hunt a Jew?
Dante: I told you, we don’t hunt Jews!
Borat: But what if they attack you with the claw?
Dante: The claw?
Borat: The Jew claw.
(The trio then “realizes” that the devil that Borat was talking about was one of the most dangerous races of the underworld: The Guu)
Lady: Where did you hear of the Guu?
Vergil: A mere mortal would not be privy to that kind of knowledge.
Borat: But in my country, Kazakhstan they are everywhere.
Vergil, Dante and Lady: They are?
Borat: Yes, and people of my country love your occupation of finishing the Jews.
Vergil: They’ve heard of us?
Borat: No, but the other Jew Hunters know of homosexual duo of Dante and Vergil. They say you very good at cutting de horns off of Jews.
Vergil: The horned ones are the worst.
Dante: Wait, dude, were not gay.
Borat: Is ok, nobody against homosexuals anymore. They just need to put on purple hat when they leave the home in Kazakhstan. Are your purple hats here, also?
Dante: Ok, dude, you’re going to have to leave.
Borat: But, I want to know about purple hats.
Dante: No! No purple hats! (Escorts Borat outside) I should call the cops.
Borat: Why, did the retard escape?
© 2007 Maro