Threefold // By: RoseDincht
Chapter 4 - A Normal Morning
Every day in the Sparda household seemed to run with a strange routine. For one, everybody seemed to wake up before nine o'clock on the weekends and during summer vacation. The reason for that was simple: Vergil and Tifa were very, very loud in the morning. When everyone would be in a dead sleep, they would hear just about everything that went on in Vergil and Tifa's room: Vergil's moans, Tifa's screams, and a lot of banging around against the walls and the doors. Then of course there would be the insanely squeaky mattress, and then he would hear the shower running, more banging noises, more screaming and moaning, and then finally after about an hour or so, they'd finally quiet down. Damien Sparda would be laying on the couch in the living room with his eyes wide open and a rather disturbed look on his face.
Dad's been getting a few tips from Auntie Nevan, hasn't he? the boy thought to himself. And it sure as hell disturbs me to no end that I'm calling her 'Auntie Nevan' when she was Dad's, Uncle Dante's, and Grandpa's, old flame. Did she make it her goal to sleep with all the men in the Sparda family? In that case, does that mean me and Otium are going to be quite literally screwed once we get older?
The thought of being seduced by that red haired succubus was a thought that usually came to mind right around this time. Normally Damien wouldn't mind. Auntie Nevan was, for lack of better words, one sexy babe. But conscidering the fact that she was indeed a succubus, well, the idea of getting some kind of demon STD wasn't very flattering. That would be one embarassing way to go in his honest opinion. But that wasn't the only reason why he found himself resenting his 'Auntie' Nevan. She showed his father too many moves and too many tricks, and the rest of the family had to suffer for it in the morning. Now his father was an animal in the morning and his mother just could not resist him (though Damien was sure no woman in her right mind could or would be able to).
If he was a foolish man, he would've hated his parents for all of that noise by now.
The rest of the house went through pretty much the same thing in the morning. Lilianna would lay in bed, tossing and turning and trying to smother out the sounds with her pillow. Otium would be in his bed with the sheets pulled up to his cheekbones, blushing furiously under the covers and thanking God that nobody from his school was spending the night. Grandpa Sparda was no doubt enjoying every moment of it. The triplets knew their grandfather well enough to know that he was cheering on is son the entire time. Eva on the other hand... seemed worried that Vergil was being too hard on his wife.
Once the sounds had stopped, there would be silence for about a half hour, perhaps twenty minutes. Then the sounds of Tifa getting dressed would be heard (Vergil usually laid in bed for a little while longer), and then the mother of the triplets would come walking down the stairs and into the kitchen. Within a half hour, the smell of coffee and breakfast filled the kitchen and then lingered into the rest of the rooms in the house. By then, everybody was up and getting dressed. Nobody in the house was stupid enough to miss Tifa's breakfast.
Normally it was unusual for such a big family to be together at breakfast time, but over the years, it seemed to grow on everyone to the point where they were completely content. Vergil and Tifa at first weren't too thrilled about Sparda and Eva moving in with them, but both knew that they could no deny them anything (Tifa was too kind to just send them away, and Vergil knew that Sparda just would've just barged in and made himself at home with or without his son's consent). But after awhile, the family seemed to feel right at home with each other. Eva would help Tifa make breakfast, and then shortly afterwards everyone would be eating.
Around eleven in the morning, however... that was when things would get a little hectic. Uncle Dante and his girlfriend usually dropped by around that time. The two of them had two volumes: loud, and louder. And just when everyone was getting comfortable and enjoying the morning for what it was, that was when they heard the side door swing open.
Now Uncle Dante and his girlfriend, RD, weren't an abusive couple. They weren't nessisarily unhappy with each other. Sometimes when they dropped by, they seemed to get along perfectly and everybody would just keep on relaxing. Today however... their two volumes were cranked up to the maximum.
"I can't believe you didn't do that shit, Dante!"
"No need for the name-calling, babe! Personally I'd like it if you did something for a change!"
"What I'd like is if you got off your big lazy ass and do something productive."
"Oh yeah 'cause I never do anything productive!"
"You haven't in a long ass time, don't give me that shit!"
The two went storming right into the kitchen as they argued. Vergil shook his head a bit at the noise. Here they came again, arguing about things that was nobody's business and doing it as loud as they could. Sparda pretended that he was interested in what was going on with the rest of the world by reading the newspaper. He certainly didn't want to get involved with this one. Eva was pretending to be fixing up Lilianna's hair, and everyone else was forced to listen to the screaming. Tifa, however, attempted to break up the hostility.
"Hey R," she began. "How come you didn't drop by yesterday? Eva and I waited for a long time, it was Girl's Night Out."
RD took a nice long drink of orange juice. "Teef! I had to go and drop Mal off at the Markham house." she rose an eyebrow. "She says that she goes over there to make peace with the family, you know, ever since Nemesis came bursting in there and ruined their shit. But I think she goes over there because she's interested in someone."
At that Tifa just smiled. "Oh really? Who!?"
Dante stretched out his arms. "Who hasn't Malibu been interested in? For being three hundred years old, she acts like a high school girl with a crush."
And that just killed RD's mood. "Oh yeah, Tifa. The OTHER reason why I didn't pick you up yesterday was because I had to go back into town to open up this new store, Devil Never Cry, because, oh you know, some retard and his big lazy ass is just too busy."
At that, Dante nearly fell over, then shot a look over at Tifa. "Teef! Tell her I run off killing demons that randomly appear in this world, HER HOME, every damn day and it's about time she did something for a change."
RD put her hands on her hips. "Excuse me? You haven't been out hunting demons, you've been out wasting time with Zack and Cloud ever since Zack opened up that strip joint. I've been the one taking care of your piece of shit store!"
Dante's hand formed into a fist. "No you haven't! You're always out with Malibu and Loleile, driving around in the car, checking out the boys, going to the salon with your nails and your hair and everything--"
"Don't talk about my hair! You are so damn lazy Dante, you and your big lazy ass do NOTHING." RD snapped in retaliation.
Dante crossed his arms and glared. "What's the matter, R? Don't get too mad, you might get a nosebleed. God forbid that happens, it'll ruin your makeup."
"Dante. Bite me." was RD's response as she punched him in the arm and moved over towards the fridge
"Agh! MOM!!!" Dante whined, only to have Eva ignore him. Tifa however shook her hand at RD.
"RD, be a lady!" she snapped, only to be ignored as Dante's girlfriend refilled her glass of orange juice.
Otium and Damien decided, shortly after the arrival of their uncle and his girlfriend, to eat breakfast in the living room while watching Saturday morning cartoons. While Damien was laughing and cheering on the antagonist in the show, who was responsible for explosions and guns blazing and screaming children, Otium seemed to be in deep thought over the entire situation. To him, he figured that Dante and RD were just running out of reasons to be angry at each other. Neither of them were lazy, neither seemed ungreatful, any other time they seemed to be getting along great. Otium figured that marriage consuling was probably something they should be taking into conscideration..... only problem was, they weren't married.
Maybe the consuler could make an exception? he thought to himself. But maybe it wouldn't get to that point... Uncle Dante doesn't seem like a person who would commit. Neither does RD. But maybe that's why they get along... so much in common.
"Hey!" Damien's voice broke Otium's silence. "If you ain't gonna eat your bacon, don't let it get all cold and gross, give it to me."
"Oh.... yeah..." Otium stammered, then handed his brother his food.
"Haha, thanks man." Damien said with a laugh as he shoved the whole slice of bacon into his mouth.
When Eva stopped fussing with Lilianna's hair, the girl rushed over and plopped down beside Otium, running her hand through his hair and teasing him playfully.
"What were you thinking about, Oti?" she asked him.
Otium looked at her. "About Uncle Dante." then he glanced over at the people around the kitchen table. "I think he and RD need to see a consuler."
At that, Damien couldn't help but snicker. "Oh please, what would be the use? How can a human give a demon consuling? Besides, those who try to help other people with their problems are usually people with problems."
"That's my boy." Sparda muttered, chuckling shortly afterwards. Lilianna on the other hand rolled her eyes.
"Damien, there's humans in the room, if you forgot. Don't be so rude." she snapped, only to get slapped in the face.
Shortly after Damien had struck his sister, Lilianna leapt over Otium and tackled her brother onto the floor. That was when the yelling and screaming really went through the roof. Damien had two handfuls of his sister's hair and looked as if he was going to rip the strands right out of her head. Lilianna was punching him in his ribs and his chest while she was ontop of him. Then Damien rolled ontop of her and kneed her in the stomach. That was followed by a slap. Then Lilianna managed to punch him in the lip. Once his bottom lip swelled and burst, that was when Tifa and Dante rushed over to break it up.
"Hey hey hey! Knock it off!" Dante snapped, grabbing Damien by his hips and trying to pull him off of his sister.
Tifa on the other hand had positioned herself between her children and helped Lilianna to her feet. "Honestly, you two. Fighting and getting blood on the carpet. What am I going to do with you?"
Dante punched Damien lightly in the arm. "And you're not allowed to hit girls."
Damien groaned and looked at Dante. "But she's not a girl, she's my sister."
Otium sat down on the couch. He had a very worried expression the entire time, but seemed to nervous or shy to step in and break it up himself. He personally hated seeing those two fight. They were fighting since the day they were born. One would think it would be something Otium would be used to. His father and grandfather obviously were used to it. It mildly disturbed him that his father seemed to enjoy watching those two fight. He would break it up, yes, but he'd spend the first three minutes watching it. And everytime he watched them fight, he'd watch it with a grin.
Normally Otium would have labeled him as a sick man. But since Vergil was his father... well... he wouldn't dare say such a thing about him. The first born of the triplets glanced over at his mother. She was rubbing Lilianna's cheek and straightening her out. Tifa didn't like seeing them fight. She didn't want her children fighting so violently against each other.... and she definately didn't want them to trash her house. When Damien's lip healed up, he groaned and sat down at the table, stealing Dante's seat.
"Sisters..." he muttered, then took a drink of black coffee (which he hated, but he'd do anything to make himself look like a tough guy). "Dad, you're lucky. Uncle Dante came out as a boy. I can't imagine how much he'd suck if he was a girl."
That was when Dante came up from behind him and put him in a headlock. "Hey hey hey, don't be sexist! As hot as I am now, I know I'd make one sexy babe if I came out with fewer parts."
Eva looked over at him with a disgusted look. "Do you really need to share that with us?"
Dante laughed and shrugged. "What can I say? Sisters can't be that bad. Now stepsisters on the other hand... picture this scenerio, Damien." Dante began. "Grandpa Sparda and Grandma Eva split."
Sparda looked up. "Wait a minute, why the hell are you involving me in this scenerio?"
Dante ignored him. "And Grandpa Sparda hooks up with some chick that you know you're going to hate, but then Stepmommy says 'Oh Dante, I have a daughter. She wants to meet you.' and just when you think it's going to be Aeris pulling a Gondola Scene, BAM. In comes a seven foot tall blonde bombshell with long lovely legs, D-cups and cherry lips who's oh so very happy to meet you. Damn kid, if I had a stepsister like that, I'd let her kiss me goodnight every-"
That was when RD punched him in the arm again. "You're sick."
Dante winced and looked at her. "No, I'm a guy."
At that, Otium sighed. It was yet another "normal" morning in the Sparda Household.
To be continued....
© 2006 RoseDincht