N.I.N.J.A.S
Not that I've never done this before, but I've been goo-gaa'ing over ninjas like never before over the past week... all because of them:

G.I. Joe. is. awesome. The story is for five year olds but the comedy is for all and the ninjas are only for the truly awesome. There are people who say the CGI sucks, but if you ask me I'd rather spend my time thinking how much better it'd be if its the ninjas sucking on--... nevermind, I'll keep this topic PG13.
Anyway, I don't give a shit about CGI. I watched this movie for the ninjas, dude! Snake Eyes! Storm Shadow! CGI is just... CGI! As if I've never seen it before, geez... But OMG!!! Snake Eyes!! He's like the movie and mute version of a non-cyborg Gray Fox!! How much better can it get for MGS fanboys and girls?! And you know the best part? It's buy one get one free.
Snake Eyes is awesome and he has an equally awesome ninja rival who's seemingly obsessed (sort of) with him. Now let us welcome Storm Shadow, along with his actor Lee Byung Hun who I've fallen (kind of) in love with thanks to him. But please understand this, I rarely ever fancy Asian celebs, young and old, especially Koreans. I have nothing against them but I certainly have nothing for them. So Lee Byung Hun... he's officially become the first and only one who managed to get my attention, and up to this level. (For the first time ever, I watched a Korean movie A Bittersweet Life, his movie of course, because I wanted to and not cos' someone made me. Interesting movie btw.)
Now back to topic, Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow are the best thing in G.I. Joe. If it weren't for Marlon Wayan's portrayal of Ripcord, the ninjas would have been the whole movie. Don't misunderstand this though, I don't mean that the ninjas get a lot of screentime. I mean that the little ninja screentime is just about the only thing (other than Ripcord) that makes this movie awesome at all. Yeah, I hope it's clear I'm biased. XD
So, Snake Eyes. He's the one in a black fullbody 'military' suit, and one of the goodies. He never takes off his mask so you don't get to see his face (tho' we know the actor is Ray Park), and he never talks. Common ninja trait, but it's still mysteriously awesoooome. According to wikipedia, Snake Eyes doesn't take off his "mask" to hide his disfigured face caused by an accident, but before that apparently he's a blonde with blue eyes. Auwww... Which is why I decided that I'll pretend the man underneath that mask looks like THIS. <3333 *Cries and melts*
And now Storm Shadow. He's the one in white, also a villain, and carries two blades on his back. The character is originally Japanese (as should most ninjas) but in the movie it seems that he's Korean. LOL. (Btw, Lee Byung Hun does not speak English but he memorized all his lines for the movie. It sounds very impressive considering that.) Reason why I'm giving these two a basic introduction is cos' I, for one, knew shit about G.I. Joe. I've never even seen a single episode so I figured it may help for you to know a little too if I'm gonna persuade you to watch the movie, assuming you're just like me. XD
So yess!! Ninjas are beautiful and sexy. And thankfully, there are quite a number of ninjas in my otaku world that is games and anime. I may not know a lot but I do know some of them. In fact I'm sure that I've mentioned some in some of my older blog posts. So, what makes a ninja ninja? What are some of the characteristics that they commonly share? What are some of the unique differences between them? Let's take a look at some of the ninjas I know/like, shall we.
Fuuma Kotarou (Sengoku Basara 2)
Appearance traits: Eye-covering headgear
Character traits: Never talks, emotionless
Weapons: Two blades, Two giant shurikens
Unique skills: Able to glide in mid-air for a short distance, create shadow duplicates of himself
Hero or villain: Villain
A ninja/assasin currently serving an old lord. He does his missions as instructed, word for word, and is highly efficient. However, it is never explained whether he is loyal to his lord, or if he simply goes with whoever hires him at any point in time. His background and origins are unknown, hence no one knows if he has any attachment or loyalty to whoever may have raised him.
Ryu Hayabusa (Ninja Gaiden)
Appearance traits: Sleeveless, headgear, long scarf
Character traits: Responsible, loyal, etc (Sorry I don't really know him cos' I don't play the game)
Weapons: Katana, nunchaku, war hammer, shuriken, bow & arrow, claws, dual swords, staff, flail, scythe, etc
Unique skills: Ninja magic
Hero or villain: Hero
Practically the most popular ninja character in modern gaming history, Ryu is clearly a super badass considering his ability to use virtually every classic weapon you can think of. I don't even play the game (although I've seen some footage) and already I know and acknowledge his strength. In a way we're prolly glad he's a hero or everyone in his world would have been slaughtered. >_>; Of everyone on this list, Ryu is also probably the most classic and ninja-like in terms of appearance. In other words, he's easily the most ninja ninja... except he can also cast 'ninja' magic. <_<; But becos' he an awesome ninja and this is a video game, I'll overlook the magic and give him a 99.8% true ninja certificate regardless.
Hotsuma (Shinobi)
Appearance traits: Long scarf, eye-covering headgear
Character traits: ??? (Sorry I don't really know him cos' I couldn't survive nor tolerate the game LOL and PWNT!)
Weapons: Blade, shuriken
Unique skills: Ninja magic (?), wall run, super dash
Hero or villain: Hero
As the main protagonist of an infamously hard game, Hotsuma is able to kill groups of enemies in a flash. Apparently he does it so fast enemies' bodies collapse in half at the same time. XD He is also able to do "ninja magic" but he needs to use a scroll item for every spell, which probably means the magic comes from the item rather than the man himself. Unfortunately, since I didn't finish the game I don't exactly know him enough to say more.
Gray Fox (Metal Gear Solid)
Appearance traits: Full body exoskeleton suit
Character traits: ??? (Sorry I don't really know him cos' I didn't play MGS1)
Weapons: Blade, beam canon (?)
Unique skills: Invisibility (Part of his armor's functions), super strength, can deflect bullets
Hero or villain: Villain
Gray Fox is every MGS fanboy's love, and the series' very first "cyberninja". He is almost entirely cyborg except for his head, which is mostly covered with his headgear anyway, but he still has red blood running through his body. He activated invisibility near the beginning of the game but stopped using once he revealed himself. I'm not sure how he did this cos' I didn't see it but he could turn his right arm into a sort of beam (?) gun/canon. He also has super strength (thanks to his high-tech suit) and can withhold attacks/impacts larger than himself for a short period of time. However, that does not mean that he doesn't feel pain. Lastly, he's the only ninja I know who can deflect bullets (at gatling gun speed) with his blade, or dodge them matrix style. XD
Raiden (Metal Gear Solid 4)
Appearance traits: Full body exoskeleton suit
Character traits: Emo
Weapons: Blade, small dagger
Unique skills: Able to swordfight with his feet and mouth (LOL), super strength
Hero or villain: Hero
Similar to Gray Fox, Raiden is all cyborg except for his head, but his headgear does not fully cover it. A few differences between the two is that Raiden has artificial white blood, and his feet have adjustable heels that can act like thumbs, which enable them to hold onto a weapon to fight with. Raiden fights solely with the blade or a small dagger, and is a very flashy fighter. He does not have super speed, but he is able to jump/leap pretty high. However, he seems to have lower precision in comparison to Gray Fox as he does not always successfully deflect knives a certain enemy (Vamp) throws at him, let alone bullets. [Spoiler beyond!] The most impressive thing he can do, though, is to hold back a ship charging at full force and merely lose his arms.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Appearance traits: Humanoid turtles. XD
Character traits: 1 leaderly, 1 goofy, 1 hot tempered, 1 brainy
Weapons: Dual katanas, nunchakus, sais, bostaff
Unique skills: ---
Hero or villain: Heroes
You mess with one of them, you mess with all of them. The most ironic part is, these turtles are the only ones on this list who actually behave like true ninjas - stealthy. They're prolly also the only ones who eat junk food. They don't use much of shurikens (not that I remember) but they do use smoke pellets sometimes. Lastly, Donatello is most likely the smartest ninja, like, ever.
Soooo, judging from the above five ninjas (excuding the ninja turtles XD), the most standard trait that all of them share is their choice of weapon - the blade. Shurikens are supposed to be a ninja's basic weapon but it seems that that's not always the case for our ninja game characters. Oh, of course, don't forget that agility and supreme acrobatics is a standard prerequisite. Next, it seems common that most of them either hide all or part of their faces, especially the eyes. If you looked at their pics, you'd also notice that all of them wear body fitting armor/suit. (And scarfs may be the next coolest thing in ninja fashion)
Now, this may not be super accurate cos' I don't have super proof/backup, but all six (including ninja turtles) except Gray Fox seem to be the 'obedient' type who'd listen to what the 'master' says word for word. Fuuma obviously is a servant to his lord, Ryu's mentor tells him to save the world and he does as told, Hotsuma killed his own brother even though he didn't want to just becos' he couldn't defy his father, Raiden works for Big Mama and the turtles have their rat master. >_>; (I forgot/dunno what happened with Gray Fox) Clearly most ninjas are obedient lil' rottweilers, and they always work for someone (second in command to someone else). It is really not for a ninja to be a king, a boss, or even a decision maker. Those who try to make their own decisions probably end up confused or lost. *looks at Raiden... LOL*
Anyway, as awesome as the above ninjas are, there is one very important ninja trait that all of them (except for the turtles) don't have. Blame it on the fact that most of these games they're in are action games but... it's still a fact that none of them practices stealth. >_>; Ninjas are supposed to be sneaky and quiet in the way they handle enemies, but these ones above definitely prefer charging in and killing everyone in broad daylight. In fact they're probably proud of that. ^^; Lulz...
So back to a new list, based on (some of) these 'ninja traits', I've listed three more characters I know of who are NOT ninjas but are certainly qualified to be one:
The Prince (Prince of Persia trilogy) [PS2]
Appearance traits: N/A (Changes with each game)
Character traits: N/A (Changes with each game, LOL)
Weapons: Sword, chain
Unique skills: Wall run, etc
Hero or villain: Hero
The Prince is just a prince, but he sure as hell is one crazy kick ass prince. He started out using only one sword in the first game, but then he learnt to use two swords from the second game on, and eventually a long chain welded into his arm in the third. But this is not what makes him qualified to be a ninja. It's his extreme parkour skills. Do you know this Japanese game show called Ninja Warrior (or Sasuke in Japanese)? If you haven't, I order you to watch this NOW (that man's my love btw lulz). And now that you've watched it, think about this for a second. What is the one thing the winner of that competition can do (most) others can't? .......To audition for Prince of Persia. Clearly, the Prince is a ninja whether he realizes it or not. =D
The Prince (Prince of Persia) [PS3]
Appearance traits: Long scarf, clawed glove
Character traits: Humorous, happy go lucky
Weapons: Sword
Unique skills: Wall run, etc
Hero or villain: Hero
Also known as the Prince (different guy from the one above though), this one I nickname Shayan is practically the same as the prince above - he is also on this list due to his extreme parkour capability. There are a few extra things he can do though - thanks to his clawed glove, he is able to slide down walls and cliffs of extreme heights, along with crawling across ceilings over a limited distance. Other insane feats he can perform involve fantasy magic so they don't count. The scarf is obviously the next most ninja-ish thing about him. He doesn't hide/cover his face in the game like he does in the pic above but the scarf is still a scarf. =)
Altaïr Ibn La-Ahad (Assassin's Creed)
Appearance traits: Hooded
Character traits: Obedient
Weapons: Sword, blade, small hidden blade, fists
Unique skills: Leap of faith
Hero or villain: Hero
I'm guilty for forgetting this guy so thanks to Nocturne for reminding! Yes, this man in all ways and means is a ninja. Basically he's an assassin, and he's so good at it he can do his job in broad daylight in the middle of a bustling city without getting caught. Then, even if he does get caught he easily parkours his way out by climbing up 100-feet towers and jumping from roof to beams and to roof again in seconds. And if by chance he can't escape, it doesn't take much for him to kill of 20 people at once with his sword, blade, hidden blade, or hands. Yes. Hands. Altair is officially the first and only person in this entire list who can actually fight with his hands. Notice that I specifically say hand and not fist, cos' he doesn't punch. Not like boxing enemies in the faces anyway. You can only use his fists for counter attacks, and when he does that with his hand, he pretty much rips a hole in you. Lastly, I must say he's the only person blessed by the God of Hay and Miracles, for that is how he can do his Leap of Faith that not even Raiden can do.
Kyuuzou (Samurai 7) [Anime]
Appearance traits: Body fitting garment under the coat
Character traits: Quiet, serious
Weapons: Two swords (Also able to use bow & arrow)
Unique skills: Able to deflect beams
Hero or villain: Both
Kyuuzou is the most unique of everyone listed in his blog entry, for he in fact is a samurai. So why is he on this list? Because I swear, he's a samurai ninja hybrid. First off, he is the one and only character in the entire anime who wears a body fitting garment. It's hidden under his coat in the above pic, but it's shown in the anime he does indeed wear one while everyone else wears baggy samurai outfits. He can even pull the collar part up to cover half his face like a mask. I have no idea samurais wear masks. >_>; Kyuuzou also uses dual blades/swords whose scabbarb is just like Fuuma's (although I must say Fuuma came after Kyuuzou). He is quick and agile and behaves a lot like a spy/assasin, much like a ninja. How can this not reek of ninja, you tell me.
So yes, this is what I call NINJA and ninjas are badass. I think you've heard me say this enough times. Now that we've seen some who are ninjas and some who aren't but might as well be, it's time to show you examples of those who call themselves ninja but so definitely aren't. Not by my book.
Basically, it's ALL of Naruto. ALL. But since there're so many of them, I'm just gonna pick and list those that are the most extreme un-ninja. Please... for Christ's sake... stop ruining the ninja image...!!
Naruto
I'll be nice and not complain about the orange jumpsuit cos' hey, everyone's free to design their original ninja costume, even if it doesn't follow the standard 'body-fitting' rule. But NO Naruto is still NOT a ninja. Ninjas don't transform into monsters or demons and shit. Ninjas don't spam and rely on summons all the time. In fact, ninjas simply don't summon. WTF seriously?? Ninjas either fight alone or along fellow ninjas. And where's the blade?
Rock Lee
As cool as this kid is, you can't call a ninja a ninja if he only knows how to fight solely with his body. That'd be called a martial artist. I acknowledge that it is impressive to turn your body into your weapon but dude, where's the blade?
Gaara
I love this kid. He's my only favorite in this series but still, ninjas do not have the mystical power to control sand yo... And okay, even if they do, where's the blade? Better yet, this one doesn't even use a single shuriken! And he turns into a monster! That's 3 in 1.
Itachi
Ninjas don't kill just by staring.
Sasori
Ninjas are not puppets, literally.
Deidara
Ninjas don't have mouths and tongues on their hands and tummy.

Hidan
Ninjas are not undead.
Kakuzu
Ninjas are not grossly immortal.
Zetsu
Ninjas are not venus flytraps.
Orochimaru
Ninjas can be transexual (by all means), but they can't do the shit this creep does.
Pein
Ninjas can't use the dead as puppets.
Suigetsu
Ninjas are not a pile of goo.
And once again, where are the godamn blades!?!?! Those on Sasori's back aren't ninja blades cos' they're just gadgets for his puppet body, and Hidan's scythe does not count cos' he practically only stabs himself with it. Fail ninjas are fail. Seriously... How...? Tell me how you can ever call these fakes " ninjas"?? Mind you, I don't hate Naruto and I don't find it wrong to create such original characters but you just can't call these NINJAS. They should have their own original title, like Jumping Summoners or something but no, not ninjas.
Lastly, I just wanna add one more ninja to the list of fail ninjas who's not from Naruto. I forgot about her the first time so I'm adding her in now.
Shiranui Mai
Check list: Blades? No. Shurikens? No. Stealth? No. Body fitting outfit? No. Assassin? No. Parkour skills? Unknown but probably no. I dunno why she calls herself a ninja. Her parents should be ashamed. Send her to the brothel where she belongs. |